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February 19, 2012


Republicans and Democrats Forge Bipartisan Compromise, Rip Constitution in Half

by Kyle Becker

It was a rainy day at the Capitol building as Republican and Democrat lawmakers gathered to ceremoniously mark the occasion of a historic bipartisan compromise.  The two parties put partisan politics aside to work together on a bill that would have seen the complete nullification of the U.S. Constitution.  After reaching an impasse along party lines, with all Democrats voting to put the musty old parchment in the shredder “for the good of the children” and all Republicans voting to keep the document around as a quaint memento, the two sides finally arrived at a bi-partisan solution: to rip the Constitution in half.

Symbolically, Democratic Senate Majority leader Harry Reid of Nevada and Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner walked hand-in-hand down the aisle in the Joint Session of Congress, former Speaker Pelosi walking behind them waving a six foot gavel demonstratively. An original copy of The Constitution was nestled under her left arm. As the triumvirate ascended the raised platform before the packed session, the room was buzzing with excitement. The President Barack Obama addressed The Congress. A lightning bolt crackled in the background.

“Beloved members of the ruling class, we have gathered together to mark a solemn moment in U.S. history, yet one full of the promise of hope and change.  Moments from now, representatives from the two dominant parties in American politics will approach the national pedestal, from which all the government’s power radiates throughout the land. They will symbolically rip The U.S. Constitution in half.”

The half of the session of Congress marked by Democrats rose to their feet in raucous applause, while the Republican half remained seated yielding only a polite ‘golf clap.’

“Now, some may think this an extreme act.  But the Republicans have prudently conceded that it was time to put the national interest ahead of party politics.  So in a spirit of bipartisan compromise, we have generously allowed the Republicans to keep half of The Constitution.  Not just any half, mind you.  We decided to remove Article I on the powers of the legislature, Article IV on the States and guaranteeing a republican form of government, as well as Articles V and VI, which is a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo we just didn’t care for. So Madame Pelosi, if you will turn over The Constitution to Senate Majority Leader Reid, he and Boehner may ascend the steps to the national pedestal.”

After a brief moment of struggle over the document, Madame Pelosi relinquished it to Senator Reid, who approached the national pedestal.  President Obama reached under the presidential podium, and produced a flowing purple pulpit gown, which he donned as the party representatives approached.

Mr. Reid took his place to the left of the podium, and Speaker Boehner to the right.  A ministerial looking Obama walked around to the center of the stage, and held his arms aloft.

“Senator Reid extend The Constitution to Speaker Boehner.  You may grasp the document.  Speaker Boehner, hold firmly.  Now tear, Senator Reid!”

With a deft jerk of his hand, the Constitutional parchment was rent in two.  The Senator held the torn page over his head victoriously. A slow clap began in the hall, and cascaded throughout.  A few Republican Senators and Representatives wiped a tear from the corners of their eyes.  The Democrats, for their part, rose to their feet and vigorously applauded the Act.

The Constitution had been rent asunder, and all in the spirit of bi-partisan compromise.

9 Comments Post a comment
  1. Feb 19 2012

    Not so sure I want the ruling class to see this– they might decide to make it official…

    Very well written, maybe to well.

  2. Feb 19 2012

    At this point, something like this would merely be symbolic. The current administration has violated so many tenets of the Constitution already, there’s no need to actually, physically, mar it.

  3. Feb 20 2012

    Have faith, Rogue. I still believe, to the bottom of my heart, that the American spirit is alive & well. The only trouble is that it has gotten too complacent and has fallen asleep. Americans have TOO MUCH FAITH that the Constitution & the Bill of Rights is inviolate. Most would think you were out of your mind if you told them that laws are passing right under their noses that violate & weaken our consitution TODAY! And if they stay long enough to look at your proof, they become so alarmed (mostly because it would imply a call to arms for them) that they run away.

    BUT, that being said, I truly believe that once these Progressives (in both parties) get their legislation fully in place for the final take-over, they will underestimate all of us Americans. Cause they will finally prick the bear with their sword & he will roar to life- new laws be damned!

    The news, owned & operated 100% by these progressives, attempt on a daily basis to strip the heart out of our chests with all this negative imagery of riots, fires & discontent. But I go around my town every day (a LIBERAL town, at that) and nary a hippy to be seen protesting. Just a bunch of Americans with their noses to the grindstone, makin’ a living day by day. Just as we have always done.

    We need to keep our hearts & our faith in one another- no one can take us down if we do!

    • Feb 20 2012

      “Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not YET sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favour; a long habit of not thinking a thing WRONG, gives it a superficial appearance of being RIGHT, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason. As a long and violent abuse of power, is generally the Means of calling the right of it in question (and in Matters too which might never have been thought of, had not the Sufferers been aggravated into the inquiry) and as the King of England hath undertaken in his OWN RIGHT, to support the Parliament in what he calls THEIRS, and as the good people of this country are grievously oppressed by the combination, they have an undoubted privilege to inquire into the pretensions of both, and equally to reject the usurpation of either.” – Thomas Paine, Common Sense

      • Feb 20 2012

        Amen, to that, Rogue. I hope you know I wasn’t questioning our right to question our leaders or our right to define the actions of the over-mighty as ‘wrong’. I am saying that these Progressives are underestimating the American People as they pass these ‘laws’ right under our noses. Laws that actually break the Law (the Constitution). The People will indeed be ‘aggravated into the inquiry’- en mass. and not just us lone wolves. Even if the so called ‘new laws’ were passed under our noses, we will reject them as they should have been rejected when we were asleep- they are fundamentally opposed to the Highest Law of the land- which, if not officially amended, trumps the ‘new laws’ in violation of it- hence making them invalid.

        What we have is a clear abuse of trust and responsibility on the part of our Congressman & President. The People have a right to expect them to not violate the constitution as they make their laws. We cannot, each one of us, be law students and watch over their shoulders each time they pass a law.

        The reaction will be fierce. 20,000 soldiers poised to arrest us regardless.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Republicans and Democrats Forge Bipartisan Compromise, Rip Constitution in Half « The Constitution Club
  2. Republicans and Democrats Forge Bipartisan Compromise | Grumpy Opinions
  3. Sunday Afternoon Grumpy Daily News Headlines | Grumpy Opinions
  4. Monday Afternoon Grumpy Daily Headlines | Grumpy Opinions

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