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September 28, 2011

9

Poll Shock: Obama Ties Zombie Candidate, Still Trails Tweety Bird, Box of Crayons, Can of Spaghetti Os

by RogueOperator

President Obama’s 2012 election campaign is breathing new life now that he has finally tied “Zombie Candidate,” whom he has trailed since the debt ceiling debacle, and is closing the gap on Tweety Bird, Box of Crayons, and Can of Spaghetti Os.

Here are the latest numbers from Public Confidence Polling (PCP):

President Obama’s most favorable head-to-head matchup is against “Zombie Candidate,” who has struggled with a number of gaffes in recent GOP debates.Disturbingly for some,  Zombie Candidate is yet to produce a birth certificate.  But the candidate’s public relations team has been quick to point out that the American people still know more about Zombie Candidate than they do about President Obama.

Obama did less well against rising star Tweety Bird, who has distinguished himself with his relatively tough talk and fiery brand of oratory. A tea party favorite, Tweety Bird has criticized the president harshly for his “socialist” policies, making him unpopular with establishment Republicans. Still, Tweety Bird remains very strong, and will continue to be the populist favorite.

Another unfavorable matchup for President Obama is Box of Crayons, who is popular among moderates and is even drawing off some Obama supporters.  When asked why they favor Box of Crayons over Obama, Democrat respondents were likely to point out that crayons were simply “more diverse” and “sharper.”

Lastly, we have the worst potential GOP opponent of all for the sitting president – Can of Spaghetti Os. Americans were unable to explain why they were drawn to the dark horse candidate, whose meteoric rise is baffling pollsters nationwide.  Some contend that the electorate were mesmerized by Obama’s “O” in his first campaign race, and have transferred that excitement and enthusiasm to Spaghetti Os.

Regardless of the GOP candidate, Obama is in deep trouble. The president will continue to trail his potential opponents as long as the economy is stalled, and he remains more tone deaf and less responsive than inanimate objects.

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9 Comments Post a comment
  1. I am sure you meant this as satire. Ok, it WAS satire. But just simply brilliant. I, to, wonder about all the ‘adults’ consulted in these polls. Particularly with regards to how informed they are.

    Reply
    • Sep 28 2011

      Well, Obama’s numbers were definitely hurt by dropping the illiterates out. That is the explanation for the differentiation with other national polls. PCP strives to maintain impeccable accuracy, though it should be mentioned that it has failed to predict the presidential winner for the last 26 campaigns.

      Reply
  2. Sep 28 2011

    lol, “sharper” and “more diverse”? Funny. But seriously, if you don’t vote for Crayola, then you hate primary schools, and therefore, education!

    Reply
  3. I nominate Beer for president. The country needs a leader, and most all people will follow Beer were ever he tells us to go. Beer is couragous, peopole will confront foes twice their size when motivated by Beer . As for social programs? Beer has been helping to bring down the shyness numbers for years. He helps us dance, usually with a member of the opposite sex that is twice our size, with twice as few teeth. Yes, Beer 2012 for president! Three beers, I mean cheers for Beer!

    Reply
    • Sep 28 2011

      Yes, yes, Beer’s straight-shooting has been refreshing, but I would be remiss not to point out that Vodka has an outside shot.

      Reply
  4. Sep 29 2011

    Most people I’ve talked with favor Nobody for President. Nobody makes sense. Nobody speaks for America. But am I to understand also that Chef Boyardee has forged ahead of the incumbent?

    Reply

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  1. Poll Shock: Obama Ties Zombie Candidate, Still Trails Tweety Bird, Box of Crayons, Can of Spaghetti Os « The Constitution Club

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