America’s first post-racial president has a challenge for black voters: How many whites can you scapegoat before election day?
Unofficially referred to as “Operation: Get the Crackerz,” Barack Obama’s initiative focuses on a two-pronged program: One, shut up about rampant black unemployment. Two, blame whites for your problems, not me.
“I need your help,” the president said.
“So many people are still hurting. So many people are barely hanging on,” he continued, then added: “And so many people in this city are fighting us every step of the way.”
After several shouts of, “Let’s get those whities!” President Obama smiled and waved for them to calm themselves. One woman fainted, and he obviously had to instruct the paramedics to get her some air and some water. When the crowd was adequately soothed, he proceeded with his instructions.
“Take off your bedroom slippers. Put on your marching shoes,” he said, his voice rising as applause and cheers mounted. “Shake it off. Stop complainin’. Stop grumblin’. Stop cryin’. We are going to press on. We have work to do.”
Later in the day, the president was compelled to deliver a follow-up address to nutrition activists who misunderstood Mr. Obama’s message and had marched on a Ritz-Nabisco factory. The activists were just about to burn down the plant, chanting, “Let’s toast some crackers!” when word came of the mix-up.
“Settle down now,” Obama said with a smirk. “Not those kinda crackers.”
The black community instantly responded to Obama’s challenge, as officially represented by Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.
“We’re ready to cut some teabaggers’ nuts out,” said Jackson on live network TV.
“We are ready to follow Obama’s drive to push back and build a movement of resistance,” Al Sharpton added. “Resist we much, we must, and we will much, about that, be committed.”
When reached for comment, Obama grimaced, wiped his sweating brow, and nodded his head painfully.
“Resist we much,” was all he could mutter.