The New Right Declares “War on Morons”

By Dr. Christopher Flappitydo, Director of the Institute for Diversity & Tolerance & Multiculturalism & Compassion & Inclusiveness as originally published in the New England Agitator.

America is facing an epidemic. The GOP’s shock troops on the New Right have launched into a bigoted “war on morons” — a right-wing crusade that threatens the very existence of the Democrat Party. If something isn’t done to halt the proliferation of alternative information sources in this country, the progress of statism, economic insolvency, and the idiocy that drives them both could be reversed once and for all.

For decades now, the Democrat Party has rested easy knowing that government-run schools were turning our nation’s children into morons. The young and undereducated have become our most reliable voting bloc. The leftwing corporate media have been all-too-willing to reinforce their selective stupidity through half-assed reportage. This successful program has always portrayed Democrats in the best possible light, while demonizing conservatives and Republicans as heartless villains out to impose some vague form of neo-fascism on the poor, helpless masses.

Well, that’s what the right-wing bastards want. That’s not the point.

This cozy arrangement’s worked beautifully for us over generations, where those who want to expand government are eulogized, while those who want to reign it in are blasted as racists, sexists, homophobes — whatever nasty names spring to mind.

We compassionate liberals wouldn’t want anything as silly as facts and rational discourse get in the way of government bailouts, handouts, and tax credits for too-big-to-fail businesses or welfare paradise for the underclass. But apparently this new-fangled “Internet” threatens to level the playing field by letting conservatives challenge us in the public forum. And to be honest, we can’t tolerate that.

Continued on Conservative Daily News.

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